Most Indians have never been taught to listen, and are not sensitive or open to another person's point of view. I don't know if it is because of our numbers, and the terrible urge to get our opinion across, but very often ordinary conversations end up becoming slanging matches. Argument and discussion is the hallmark of civilisation, but somehow here, it becomes difficult especially as we become locked into our own positions.
If this is the case in drawing room conversations, it is even more loud and vehement on our televisions. One of the funniest(!) and pointless programmes I have seen on TV is NDTV's 'The Big Fight'. It starts off well enough, the panelists are people who are suited to address the particular topic, but almost from the beginning, it becomes a Babel of voices, as each panelist starts interrupting, arguing, shouting and generally making a noise. When the show was hosted by Rajdeep Sardesai, he added to the madness by cutting in and loudly making his point. I always wonder what they achieve at the end of it. No one has bothered to listen to the others, or even considered another aspect of the question they were debating.
Sometimes, this can be quite hilarious. I have a friend, and on the rare occasions I visit her, I am confused. Both my friend and her mother will start talking to me simultaneously, often on two different subjects! My brain goes into double-quick processing mode, and I somehow have to find the right answers to their observations! Exhausting, to say the least.
I now find this trait everywhere, on TV, and even in the blogosphere. Everybody has a point of view, everybody wants to make their voices heard, and in the process, they end up shouting or screeching. Why? Why can't we take the time to listen? If only we could listen, we would be able to understand each other. Then we would know and understand that there is really no difference between us, only a difference in perception.
When we listen, really listen, we go beyond the words, to the feelings and emotions hidden deep beneath the words, and understand that there can be another reality. And that it is not really very different from ours.
6 comments:
Then you should most definitely be in my group here in IBM, Boca Raton which is the site where the PC was discovered.
My colleagues Arun and Sunil along with myself are the 3 software engineers assigned to tackle Indian Companies, who are either the Project Managers or the development team using the Middleware that we write, on behalf of their clients.
On so many occasions, we are in a room on conference calls or logged into a conference call if working from home etc along with some higher ups and it becomes just as you described - a shouting match. Somehow they seem to think they know the software that we write better than us. Sunil and I are both very strong personalities and we end up not giving in to them ever :-).
You hit the nail on the head, as it seems to be an Indian trait to talk over others or not let someone finish a sentence. Having lived here for 23 years now I am more conscious about it and the folks at WIPRO, INFOSYS, SATYAM, TATA etc have only earned a name as NIGHTMARE clients.
On a blog, it is another matter as I think it is fun to push your point of view - the written word somehow is different than the spoken one. Give me a blog on Pakistan and I'll be pushing my point of view like there is no tomorrow :-), so I would then have to plead GUILTY!
While accepting your point of view, I still reiterate that listening - whether it is in our drawing rooms, or in the public domain, even in a blog - is very important. I really do not differentiate between the written word or the spoken. They are equally effective or hurtful.
Having expressed such an opinion about your clients, I think you must also understand they may have a very different view of the whole situation. And they may be justified in holding on to that opinion.
Good old Indian polyphony:-)
I do feel compelled to point out that in the Indian context interrupting is not ALWAYS a sign of not listening, or being rude. It can also be a sign of passionate involvement, of genuine interest in the topic being discussed. I say this as the member of a very vocal family that loves debate.
I do react to comments, though, where Indians as a group get tarred with the same brush. We are not all this this, wonly - please!
Thank you, Shalini. I needed that! I do agree that it is a sign of passionate involvement, but sometimes that passion carries us too far. I remember feeling rather frustrated at having to out-shout others in order to get my point across. At the end of it, I don't know if they have understood or listened, at all!
However, I do agree that we cannot tar all Indians with the same brush. Thank you for pointing that out, and thank God for the vibrant Indian polyphony!
See, this is what gets to me. We Indians as a whole, get too defensive. I am only talking percentages here. Is it my fault, that people at work generally do not want to deal with Indian companies and their employees for exactly the same reasons as you mentioned? Not to mention in the end, the embarrassment we people of Indian origin feel. Do think about that also. Now I too do not have to deal with them and so am much happier.
Ravi, I am not talking percentages. I am only stating a very broad comment, and that too about Indians, because I feel I do not know enough people of other nationalities well enough to pass any comment about them. If, as you say, Indian companies and their employees are so difficult to deal with, I do not understand the phenomenal growth of Indian industry, especially the software and BPO sectors. Maybe you know better, but it sure confuses a lay person like me. And, even with all our noise and insensitivity, I have never felt ashamed to be an Indian.
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